Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Welcome back to Leading with Grace, Grit and Greatness. Don't miss a second of this show or any other now media television favorite. Welcome to Leading with Grace, Grit and Greatness. I'm your host, Vikita Poindexter. Today, I want to begin with a truth that many people are dealing with privately, but very few leaders are willing to say publicly. Not every broken leader looks broken. Some broken leaders are high performing. Some are extremely successful. Some are respected. Some are often celebrated in our leading teams, businesses, ministries, families, movements, while suddenly and silently carrying pain behind the scenes. You know, they look confident in the boardroom. They may look strong on various platforms. They may even look composed in front of their teams. But internally, they may be carrying grief, rejection, betrayal, disappointment, burnout, fear, emotional exhaustion that has never really fully been healed. And here's an important truth. Brokenness does not make you weak. We all have places in our life that has touched us, stretched us, disappointed us, wounded us, caused us to have insurmountable pain that we may not have done, have dealt with. Leadership doesn't exempt us from pain. Titles do not protect us.
[00:01:13] And oftentimes trauma has gone unhealed. Success is not automatically healing. It's what we have to carry. But unhealed brokenness will eventually show up in how you lead others.
[00:01:25] I know I'm an example of that. It may show up at all, at once, or a little at a time. It may not even be obvious in the beginning. But over time, unresolved pain starts finding its way into our communication, our decisions, our relationships, the culture, and our ability to trust.
[00:01:41] You know, sometimes it shows up as reactive communication. A leader who has unresolved pain may respond with intensity that does not match the moment a a small mistake becomes a major confrontation. A simple question feels like disrespect, you know, feedback, you know, sometimes feels like an attack instead of responding with clarity.
[00:02:04] Leadership and leaders need to react not from a place of fear, frustration, or old wounds, which oftentimes they do. And often leaders may not even realize that this is happening. They may think that they're just being passionate. They may think that they're just protecting excellence or protecting what they deem to be excellence. But what people around them are experiencing is tension, unpredictability, and most importantly, emotional pressure. So unhealed brokenness can also show up as a lack of empathy, not showing grace to individuals. So when a leader has had to survive without any type of emotional support, they may struggle to give emotional support. You can't give what you don't have. They may Believe that everyone should just push through it because that's what they had to do. But that's not everybody's story. That's not everybody's experience.
[00:02:58] How you deal with tragedy and trauma is not the same way that someone else can deal with it. So, you know, leaders have to understand that being dismissive or functioning in exhaustion, minimizing pain, or interpret vulnerability as a weakness is not always the case.
[00:03:17] Empathy, right? Here's the one thing that I really want you to be able to understand. Empathy does not mean softness. Empathy is a leadership awareness. It is the ability to recognize that people are not machines.
[00:03:32] People bring their emotions, their fears, their families, their stress, life experiences into places that they lead and serve.
[00:03:40] A leader who cannot practice empathy may produce short term performance, but they oftentimes will damage long term trust.
[00:03:49] Another way brokenness shows up is through micromanagement. Micromanagement is also less about excellence, but more about fear. Fear that something will go wrong. Fear that people cannot be trusted. Fear that losing control will expose their weakness. Fear, if that's the leader is not watching every detail, everything will fall apart. But when leaders micromanage, they do not simply control tasks. They communicate a message of I don't trust you. And when people feel that they can't be trusted, they stop bringing their best talents and ideas to the table. They stop taking ownership.
[00:04:26] They stop feeling like this is a safe place for me to be able to grow. The system becomes dependent on the leadership, constant supervision, and eventually the leader becomes exhausted by the very control that they created. So unhealed brokenness also shows up as emotional inconsistency.
[00:04:46] One day the leader is encouraging, the next day that they're distant. One meeting feels safe, the next meeting feels tense. The team begins to study the leader's moods instead of focusing on the mission and the vision.
[00:05:01] When people have the to be emotionally managed, leaders often become the problem of the culture, which ultimately becomes unstable.
[00:05:13] A healthy leader, however, creates emotional clarity. That does not mean that the leader is perfect, because perfection does not exist. It means that people know what to expect. They know where they stand.
[00:05:24] They can bring their concerns without fear of being punished. Emotionally. Being retaliated against another conflict or another sign is conflict. Some leaders avoid hard conversations because conflict reminds them of pain. Conflict is not unhealthy. It's how you handle the conflict. But sometimes leaders may have grown up around explosive conflict, betrayal, abandonment or silence. So they avoid confrontation, hoping that the problem will resolve itself. And we know that that is not true. But avoided conflict does not disappear. It goes underground. It becomes confusion, it becomes resentment, it becomes gossip. It also becomes passive aggressive. It becomes the cultural damage that the leader is trying to create.
[00:06:13] Now, grace filled leadership is not conflict free leadership. Let me be crystal clear. It is leadership that handles conflict with maturity, truth and care.
[00:06:23] Then there is unresolved anger.
[00:06:27] Sometimes leaders are not only angry about what is happening, they are angry about what happened and when it happened. Delayed opportunity, a betrayal, a childhood wound, a divorce, business failure, a parent who was absent, a parent who didn't believe in them. A parent told them that, or someone, a teacher, leader, someone in their lives told them that they wouldn't amount to be anything.
[00:06:51] A season where they were overlooked and or humiliated. If that anger is not healed, it can begin to leak into leadership. The leader may become harsh, impatient, easily offended, or overly defensive. They may punish current people for the pain that was caused by people in their particular past that had absolutely nothing to do with the team that they're leading.
[00:07:13] And that's one of the hardest truths about leadership. If we do not heal from what hurts us, we may end up leading others through a filter of what broke us.
[00:07:24] Let me say this, you cannot heal what you refuse to reveal.
[00:07:30] Brokenness also shows up in overachievement tied to worth.
[00:07:35] This is especially subtle because it often comes to a world that rewards achievements.
[00:07:46] The leader keeps producing and keeps building, keeps winning, trying to keep proving to others, keeps showing up. But underneath that achievement is the question, am I enough yet?
[00:07:58] Am I enough yet? No matter what you do, you have to answer that question.
[00:08:04] The kind of leader that may struggle to rest. Right, Leaders must have the ability to rest. But some struggle in that area. They may struggle to celebrate. They may struggle to receive love or affirmation without performance attached to it.
[00:08:20] They may build something impressive but still feel empty. And they're doing everything that they can possibly do to fill that. Because success cannot heal a wound it was never designed to touch.
[00:08:32] So today I want every single leader watching to to pause. And I want you to ask yourself, where may my pain be shaping my leadership? This is not to condemn you. This is not to shame you. This is for you to become aware. Awareness is often the first door to healing. So ask yourself, do I react more strongly than the situation requires? And if so, why?
[00:09:00] Do I struggle to trust people?
[00:09:03] Do I avoid hard conversations? Do I measure my worth by productivity? Do I expect people to survive in the same way that I had to survive?
[00:09:13] Do I lead from a place of peace?
[00:09:16] Or do I lead from a place of pressure?
[00:09:19] This is not about labeling Leaders as broken in a negative way. This is about telling the truth, with compassion, with grace.
[00:09:27] Because many leaders are not cruel.
[00:09:30] They're just wounded. Many leaders are not intentionally harmful. They are unhealed. Many leaders do not try to create unhealthy cultures. They're repeating patterns that have yet not been recognized.
[00:09:42] But grace does not mean ignoring the impact. Grace gives us the courage to face the truth without being destroyed by it.
[00:09:51] So leading with grace, with grit and greatness, means we are willing to say, I may have pain, but my pain does not define who I am, and it does not get to lead my people. It means we are willing to do the internal work, not just the internal, external work. Because the health of a leader shapes the entire health of the whole environment and the culture. When a leader begins, truly begins healing, the atmosphere around them shifts. You can see it begins to change. The communication becomes clearer.
[00:10:26] The team becomes more safer, the home becomes more calmer. The decisions you make becomes wiser, and the relationships now, they become more honest.
[00:10:39] The breakthrough begins when the leader stops hiding from what's happening beneath the surface. So as we move into this conversation, I want us to remember leadership is not only about what we build externally.
[00:10:52] It is also about what we're willing to heal externally. Because unhealed pain does not stay private forever.
[00:11:00] It becomes a pattern, it becomes a tone, and it becomes a culture. So you stay right here. We're going to take a quick commercial break, and we'll be right back. We're going to talk about how does healing become wisdom?
[00:11:20] Welcome back to Leading with Grace, Grit, and Greatness. I'm Vikita Poindexter, your host, and we were talking about brokenness and how to heal and how healing becomes wisdom. Right. So let me just jump in here and say this. Heal pain, as I talked about previously, can become empathy. Heal pain can be discernment. Heal pain becomes strength. Heal pain becomes leading in a different way.
[00:11:40] I just want to really kind of talk to you about the cost of leading while unhealed and how unresolved pain can affect impact, not just your culture, but your relationships, your teams, your families, and even the soul of a leader. So before I jump into that, I just really want to make sure that if you're following that, you understand where you can find us.
[00:12:01] Because I want you to really be able to understand that when we're talking about leading with grace, grit, and greatness, we're talking about the cost of leading while unhealed and why that remains unresolved and how that impacts you as A leader.
[00:12:14] So listen, you know, again, I told John Vaquita Poindexter, I'm the host of Leading with Grace, Grit and Greatness. But I want you to be able to understand that you can find us on NOW Media Television.
[00:12:24] We stream on all of your platforms Roku. You can also find us on your favorite podcast at Now Media TV.
[00:12:34] NowMedia TV. We have extraordinary programming in English and in Spanish. So. So make sure that you tap into us. We have everything that you want to be able to find, whether it's lifestyle, culture, leadership, you name it. We've got something for you. So make sure you check us out at NowMedia TV. So let's jump in here and talk about what happens when a leader. What's the cost of being unhealed?
[00:13:03] It is ironic that we even have to have this particular conversation. But I think it's very important because as leaders we are nonstop trying to do everything that we possibly can. We're managing households, we're managing businesses, we sit on boards, we're involved in our philanthropic work. We're responsible for the teams that we build. We're responsible for creating career paths in the trajectory of individuals lives.
[00:13:30] This is the reason why we're having this particular conversation. Is leadership unhealed is always, never neutral, right? It always is going to cost something. And so I want to talk about what that cost is. The cost could be trust, it could be peace, it could be your relationships, whether it's your business relationships, your personal relationships, because unresolved challenges, and I call them challenges, because challenges you can overcome. It has an impact in everything that you do because it's who you are and who you are becoming. It'll cost your culture. If you're a CEO or C suite leader or managing or leading people, it may cost you good people, good people that you are surrounding yourself with in your businesses or in your personal life. It can cost you your own health, right? So many leaders with unresolved issues or challenges are having heart attacks and strokes and stressed out.
[00:14:24] It can also cost you your joy, right? Not your happiness, right? Because happiness is predicated on what you're doing, but that joy, that joy that's deep inside, it can cost you your sense of purpose. Again, I talked about this initially. Why am I doing this? Am I doing this because I'm trying to validate the perception that someone else has put onto me or am I doing this because I find joy in it? This is my calling. This is what I'm called to do.
[00:14:49] The most visible cost is a damaged culture. Culture is not created by slogans on the wall. Culture is created by repeated experiences. It's created by how people feel when they speak up, the mistakes, how they're handled, how conflict is addressed, how pressure is managed, how leaders respond when they are disappointed.
[00:15:07] If a leader is operating from unhealed pain, the culture often begins to absorb that pain.
[00:15:12] So you either have a proactive leader or in this case, a reactive leader. Reactive leaders create reactive cultures. Fearful leaders create fearful cultures. Distrustful leaders, you see the pattern here, creates guarded cultures, and an emotionally inconsistent leader creates an anxious culture. People may still perform, but they perform under tension.
[00:15:33] They may show up, but they may show up unprotected. They may still say yes, but internally they're disagreeing, they're disengaging.
[00:15:43] That's a dangerous zone, right? Because a culture can look functional on the outside while quietly breaking down on the inside. Another cost is, well, you got it. Employee turnover. People don't leave jobs because they don't like the job. People leave jobs because they don't like the leadership.
[00:16:02] So people not only leave companies, they leave environments. They leave leadership. They leave because they don't feel valued. They leave because they're tired of the emotional chaos. They leave because their gifts are being controlled instead of being developed. They leave because leaders have unresolved issues that become their daily burden that they shouldn't have to carry. A leader may say, people just don't want to work here anymore, when in actuality, people do want to work. They just don't want to work wounded while working.
[00:16:34] So that's where leadership really requires some humility. If good people keep leaving, a wise leader. A leader has to ask the hard questions, why? What's wrong with them? But instead, what might our environment be doing to them?
[00:16:47] They might need to take a look in the mirror and say, is there something that I am doing that is creating this massive turnover?
[00:16:56] Sometimes turnover is not a staffing problem. It's a cultural signal.
[00:17:01] Realistically, unhealed leadership also creates strained relationships. This can happen at work, but it can also happen at home. Many leaders give their best energy to the public and their leftover energy to the people closest to them.
[00:17:14] They lead meetings with discipline. They come home emotionally unavailable. They inspire teams that struggle to listen to their spouse. They make very strategic decisions in business, but avoid vulnerability. Conversations with their children. And let me tell you, over time, the people closest to the leader may begin to feel like they only receive the tired version, the frustrated version, the broken version, the emotionally absent version of that person.
[00:17:40] That's the real cost, because greatness in public cannot replace presence in private. Leadership is not only tested by how we treat people who applaud us. It is tested by how we treat people who need us when the lights are off and there is nothing left to perform. So let me tell you, unhealed leadership.
[00:17:58] Here's the biggest piece. Leads to burnout.
[00:18:01] Sometimes burnout is not only about workload. Sometimes burnout is about carrying unprocessed pain while trying to perform at a high level. The leader is just not tired from tasks. They're tired from pretending, tired from proving, tired from suppressing emotions, tired from managing perceptions, tired from being strong without being honest with themselves.
[00:18:23] Burnout can also look like exhaustion, but it can only look like cynicism, irritability, isolation, loss of vision, loss of compassion, loss of joy. The leader may still be moving, still producing, still answering emails, showing up. But internally, something is fading. And if that leader does not stop and pay attention, they may eventually succeed themselves into emptiness.
[00:18:49] Now another cost is loneliness.
[00:18:53] Leadership can already be lonely, but unhealed leadership makes it even lonelier.
[00:18:59] Why here?
[00:19:01] Because unhealed leaders often struggle to be fully known. They may fear that if the people see the pain, they will lose the respect. They may fear the vulnerability will be used against them. They may fear that immediate struggle will make them look weak.
[00:19:15] So they hide.
[00:19:17] They hide behind performance.
[00:19:19] They hide behind busyness. They hide behind authority. They hide behind spiritual language. They hide behind achievement. But hidden pain does not disappear. Matter of fact, it deepens. And loneliness becomes the price of appearing stronger than you really feel. This is why leaders need to feel safe and create safe spaces. Not spaces where they are flattered, not spaces where they're enabled, but spaces where they can be honest and challenged, supported, and be reminded. Be reminded that you are human.
[00:19:53] Another cause is spiritual exhaustion. This is important especially for my leaders who are people of faith, right? They're operating in ministry, serving communities, leaders who feel called to do something bigger than themselves. Sometimes leaders keep pouring out spiritually while neglecting their own soul.
[00:20:13] They encourage others while feeling empty. They pray for others while feeling disconnected. They speak hope, while when privately feeling weary, they serve obligation instead of overflow.
[00:20:25] Spiritual exhaustion is real. And it often happens when leaders confuse calling with constant availability. But even grace field leadership requires rest.
[00:20:36] Even strong leaders need restoration. Even calm people need care. You cannot lead from a place of an empty inner life forever. At some point, the soul will ask for attention. And one of the most painful costs of unhealed leadership is loss of trust. Trust is built through Consistency. When leaders are unpredictable, defensive, harsh, avoidant, emotionally unstable.
[00:21:00] People may feel they respect the title, but they don't trust their presence. Let me break that down. They don't trust the leader. Okay? They may respect the title, but not the person. They may not say it out loud. They may begin holding back. Here's ways they hold back. Ideas, feedback, honesty, commitment. And when trust is lost, leadership becomes harder. Everything requires more force, more explanation, more control, more correction. Healing. Trust creates movement. Unhealthy. Fear creates compliance. There is a difference between the two. A team can comply and still not be committed. A family can remain together and still not be connected. An organization can function and still not be healthy. That is why this conversation is so important and why it matters. Because the cost of unhealed leadership is not just personal. It becomes organizational. It becomes rational. It becomes generational. If leaders do not heal, they may intentionally reproduce the same pain in people that they lead. A leader who is controlled may become controlling. A leader who was ignored may ignore others. A leader who was shamed may May shame others. A leader who was never allowed to rest may create an environment where rest feels unsafe. But this cycle can stop. The cycle can stop when a leader becomes courageous enough to say, I don't want to leave from wounds I have not addressed. That sentence is powerful because it moves the leader from denial to responsibility. And responsibility is not about shame. Responsibility is about ownership. It says, I may be responsible for everything that happened to me, but I am responsible for the way it has shaped the way that I lead. And let me make sure I said that correctly, because I want to make sure I get this point across. You may not be responsible for the things that have transpired in your life. Some you may have been responsible for, and some you may not. But you are responsible for the way that you show up and lead as a result of that. This is where grace and grit work together. Grace says, you're allowed to be human. Stop trying to search for perfection. Grit says you are still responsible for growth.
[00:23:02] Greatness says your healing can become a part of your impact. To every leader watching today, I want to ask you this. What is your unhealed pain costing you? Is it costing your peace? Your team trust? Your family connection? Is it causing your body to rest? Your spirit, joy? Is it causing your organization good people?
[00:23:23] That's not an easy question, but it's a necessary one. Because we can't change what we refuse to examine again. We can't heal what we refuse to reveal. And sometimes the greatest leadership breakthrough begins with honest inventory so this is not a public announcement. This is a dramatic performance. So stay tuned. We're going to take a quick commercial and we'll be right back.
[00:23:46] Welcome back to Leading with Grace, Grit and greatness. I'm Vaquita Ponydexter, your hosts. I want to continue this conversation about unhealed leadership. You know, we talked about the cost, but I do want to talk about the healing. Because healed leadership has a harvest.
[00:23:58] When leaders heal, people breathe differently around them. Teams speak more honestly, families feel safer, cultures become stronger and decisions become clearer. The mission becomes healthier. Healing does not make leadership perfect. It makes leadership more whole. Hold leaders, create healthy systems.
[00:24:16] Now I really want to make sure that we understand that. We talked about costs, we talked about accountability, but we talked about faith based leaders.
[00:24:26] This is for each and every one of you. We want to talk a little bit now about why accountability boundaries and faith and emotional maturity are not just personal luxuries. These are leadership responsibilities.
[00:24:41] I really want you to understand.
[00:24:42] Inner work of strong leadership is extremely important.
[00:24:47] Extremely important.
[00:24:49] So let's move into the heart of the conversation, right? Let's talk about healing. We've talked about what it's going to cost you and everything like that. Because one thing about recognizing being broken, it's another thing to take responsibility for healing. Many leaders know something's wrong. They feel exhausted, they see conflict, they sense the distance, they notice that patterns. But they do not always know what to do next. So let's have an honest conversation about what healing requires. Number one is accountability, not blame. Accountability blame looks backwards and says, this is someone else's fault. Accountability looks forward and says what is mine to heal, change or repair? A leader cannot heal while constantly defending themselves. Defensiveness protects the wound. Accountability, now that's the big one. It exposes it to light and exposure is uncomfortable, but it's often necessary. Accountability may say, I was wrong in how I handle that. I reacted from fear. I created confusion. I avoided a conversation that we needed to have. I allow my pain to influence my leadership.
[00:25:52] I need help. Those words are not signs of weak leadership. Those are signs of mature leadership. The leader who grows are not the ones who never make mistakes. They're the ones who are willing to tell the truth, repair the damage, and become more conscious of their patterns. Healing may also require therapy, coaching, counsel, or just trusted guidance. Leaders who leaders are often used to being the one are used to being the ones to come to. But every leader needs a safe place for where they're, where they can go to where they're not Performing. They need a place where they can process. They need a place where they can be challenged. A place where they can be honest without having to maintain their image. Therapy can help a leader understand the roots of emotional patterns. Coaching can help a leader develop new behaviors and leadership practices. Mentorship can help a leader gain wisdom from someone who's walked further down the road. There's no shame in getting support. In fact, one of the most dangerous myths in leadership is the idea that strong leaders should figure everything out on their own. No. Strong leaders know when to seek wisdom. Healing also requires faith. For many leaders, faith becomes a place where they remember that they are not carrying things by themselves. Faith reminds us that we are not God. We are not the source of the outcome. We are responsible for controlling every situation. We are not responsible for fixing every problem. We are not responsible for carrying every burden without rest. Here, faith requires surrender. And surrender is not giving up. Surrender is releasing the illusion that control is the same as leadership. Some leaders are exhausted because they are trying to control what they were only called to steward. There is a difference. Stewardship requires responsibility. Control requires fear. Faith help. Leaders ask, what is mine to carry and what must I release? Where am I being invited to trust and where am I leading from? Fear instead of wisdom.
[00:27:45] Where have I confused busyness with obedience?
[00:27:51] Healing also requires boundaries. Right again, another major one. Some leaders are burnt out not because they lack wisdom or vision. They lack boundaries. They say yes to when they really need to say no. They remain available when they need to rest. They show unhealthy access because they fear disappointing people. They carry responsibilities that belong to others. But boundaries are not rejection. Boundaries are stewardship. A boundary says, this is not what I can carry, this is what I cannot carry. This is where I'm available and this is where I need recovery. This aligns with what my mission and vision, but this is what drains it. Healthy boundaries protect the leader and the people connected to it. Because exhausted leaders become unsafe leaders. Not intentionally, but practically. When leaders are constantly depleted, they become more reactive and less patient, less creative and less present. Boundaries are now selfish and they are a structure for sustainability. Healing also requires self awareness. Self awareness is the ability to notice that what's happening inside of you before it spills out into others. So it means asking, what did that comment bother? Why did that comment bother me so much? Why do I feel threatened in that meeting? Why do I need to be right? Why do I need to avoid that conversation? Why do I feel guilty when I rest?
[00:29:05] I'm going to say that again. Why do I feel guilty when I rest?
[00:29:09] Why does success still feel like it's not enough?
[00:29:12] Self awareness. Self awareness allows leaders to pause between feeling and reacting. Now, that pause is powerful because in that pause, we get to choose. We get to choose the response over reaction, curiosity over assumption, humility over pride, repair over defensiveness, truth over image.
[00:29:35] So without self awareness, leaders repeat patterns. With self awareness, leaders interrupt patterns. Healing again requires grace first, grace to yourself.
[00:29:46] Grace is not pretending that everything is fine. Grace is a space to grow without being destroyed by the truth.
[00:29:53] You need grace, leaders. You need grace for yourself and you need grace for others.
[00:29:58] Some leaders are harsh when people be. Some people are harsh when people because they are harsh with themselves.
[00:30:05] We don't know how to offer compassion because you never received it.
[00:30:09] But grace softens the pain, not harden it. Grace says, I can acknowledge my mistakes without becoming the mistake. I can face my wounds without being defined by them. I can repair what I have damaged. I can grow and I can change. And when leaders receive grace, they are more able to extend it. They become less punitive, less reactive, less driven by shame, more patient, more honest, more human. Healing also requires emotional maturity. Emotional maturity is the ability to feel deeply without making everyone else responsible for your emotions.
[00:30:43] It means a leader can be disappointed without becoming destructive, frustrated without becoming cruel and afraid without being controlling, honest without becoming harsh.
[00:30:55] Emotional maturity is not the absence of emotion. It's the stewardship of emotion. Strong leaders feel they feel, but they don't have to feel or let every feeling become a leadership decision.
[00:31:08] This matters because leadership gives emotional impact. A private emotion can become a public atmosphere when the leader does not manage it well.
[00:31:15] That is why emotional maturity is not optional. It's a part of the responsibility of influence. Healing requires surrender.
[00:31:23] This may be one of the hardest parts of this particular conversation. Surrender means letting go of old identities that were built on survival.
[00:31:32] The identity always being strong. The identity of never needing help. The identity of being the fixer. The identity of being the overachiever. The identity of being one who cannot fail. The identity of being needed by everyone. Those identities may have helped you survive one season, but that might not be the that may not be healthy enough for you to lead the next one.
[00:31:57] Sometimes healings require grieving. Grieving of the version of yourself that kept you alive, but you are no longer to carry forward. Now, that's deep work. That's holy work. It's the leadership work. It's the legacy work. Because when a leader heals, the future changes not just for the leader, but for Everyone connected to them.
[00:32:16] Healing changes how leaders communicate. It changes how they listen. It changes how they hire, correct, forgive, build, rest, parent, mentor, on and on and how they make decisions, decisions. Healing gives leaders access to wisdom that they could not reach while living in survival mode. And healing does not mean you'll never feel pain again. It means the pain no longer has you unchecked.
[00:32:37] It doesn't mean that you can't have your breakthrough. This is breakthrough. So today, if you're a leader in the healing process, I want you to know this. You do not have to be fully healed to lead with integrity, but you do have to be honest enough to keep healing. Healing leaders still have hard days.
[00:32:55] We still make mistakes. We still need support.
[00:32:58] Healed leaders still have triggers.
[00:33:01] Heal leaders still have to repair. But healing leadership are different because they are no longer pretending. They're no longer making their pain everybody's responsibility. They're no longer confusing control with strength or exhaustion with commitment. They are learning to lead from a more grounded place.
[00:33:18] A place of grace, a place of grit, and a place of greatness. This is what this show is about. It's not about perfect leadership. It's about whole leadership, not image driven leadership. Truthful leadership, not leadership that hides the pain.
[00:33:33] Leadership that transforms pain into wisdom.
[00:33:36] We'll step away briefly and when we return, we'll close with a message of hope and responsibility. What it means to lead with grace, grit and greatness while healing while healed leaders. Healing leaders create healthier organizations, healthy families and healthy communities.
[00:33:54] More ahead right after this break.
[00:34:01] Stay connected to leading with grace, grit and greatness in every NOW Media Television favorite live or underman anytime you like. You know you can Download the free Now Media TV app on Roku or iOS. Unlock nonstop bilingual programming in English and in Spanish. Listen on the move. Catch the podcast version at NowMedia TV. From business to news, lifestyle and culture and beyond, Nine Media is streaming around the clock, wherever you are, whenever you are. So welcome back to Leading with Grace. Creating Greatness. I'm your host, Fakita Poindexter. I'm and as we close today's conversation, I really, really want to speak to the leader who is healing while still carrying responsibility.
[00:34:40] The leader who still has a team to lead. A leader who still has a family to love. A leader who still has some tough decisions to make. A leader who still has business, ministry, organization or a vision to steward. The leader who is trying to become healthier or while continuing demanding strength. This is you.
[00:35:01] Sometimes people think that healing means stepping away from everything until you are Completely whole. And for some seasons, rest and retreat may be necessary. But for many leaders that are healing and while leading, healing while showing up, healing while answering the call doesn't necessarily mean that you have to do that. But it does require grace. Grace is to acknowledge that you are human.
[00:35:25] Grace is to admit that you do not have to answer everything.
[00:35:29] Grace to repair even when you fall short. Grace to grow without shame. Grace to receive help. Grace to slow down so and know when you and your soul needs attention.
[00:35:42] So leading with grace means this. You got to stop expecting perfection. It does not exist. You will never be perfect.
[00:35:50] Perfection from yourself and more importantly, perfection from others.
[00:35:56] It means you create rooms that operate in truth, process and restoration.
[00:36:03] But listen, grace is not the same as passivity. This is where grit comes in. Grit says, I will do the work. I will face the pattern. I will have hard conversations. I will get the support. I will take responsibility. I will not keep bleeding on the people that I am called to lead.
[00:36:20] I will not use pain as an excuse to avoid growth.
[00:36:24] Now grit, grit is the discipline to keep becoming.
[00:36:28] It is the strength to stay in the healing process even when it's uncomfortable. It is the courage to look at what you would rather avoid.
[00:36:37] It is the willingness to be refined.
[00:36:40] And then there's greatness. Greatness is not just an achievement. Greatness is an impact that is rooted in wholeness. Greatness is not how many people know your name. It is how many people are safer, stronger, freer and more whole because of how you lead. Greatness is not simply something that you're building that is big. It is building something that is healthy. Because unhealthy growth, while it can still be impressive, it's not sustainable. You can build large organizations with fear. You can build profitable companies with control.
[00:37:15] You can build public success with private dysfunction. You can build applaud while losing your peace.
[00:37:25] But the question is, what kind of legacy are you building today? We've talked about how brokenness shows up. We've talked about the cost of unhealed leadership. We've talked about healing, the work required.
[00:37:39] Now we have to ask what becomes possible when leaders begin to heal? Heal. Leaders create healthy organizations. They build cultures where people can be honest, create accountability without humiliation. They address conflict without cruelty. They value performance not at the expense of humanity. They understand that people do their best work in environments where clarity and care can coexist.
[00:38:01] Healing leaders do not avoid standards. They elevate standards in a healthier way. They say, we can pursue excellence without fear. We can correct mistakes without shame. We can have hard conversations without destroying dignity. And we can have growth without losing ourselves.
[00:38:19] That kind of leadership, I guarantee you, changes organizations. Healing leaders also create healthier families. Because leadership does not stop at the office door. A healed leader becomes more present at home, more patient, more emotionally honest, more willing to listen, more willing to apologize, more able to love without controlling, more able to guide without crushing. Many families do not need a perfect leader. They need a present one. They need someone willing to heal themselves instead of hiding it. They need someone willing to interrupt old cycles. We call those breaking generational curses before they become the next generations inheritance. Now that's powerful. Because when a leader heals, the family system can heal also.
[00:39:04] Healing leaders also create healthy communities. Communities are shaped by emotional health, by the people who influence them. Wounded leader influence can only spread fear, division, pride, manipulation and exhaustion. But a healing leader can influence, can spread wisdom, compassion, courage, accountability and hope. This is why your healing matters beyond you. It matters to your employees. It matters to your spouse. It matters to your children. It matters to your clients. It matters to your congregation. It matters to your community. It matters to the people who are watching how you lead. Power, pressure and pain and responsibility. Your healing is not selfish. Your healing is a service. And I want to say that again. Your healing is service. Because when you become healthier, everything connected to you becomes a better chance of becoming healthier too. Now let's be clear. Healing does not erase leadership challenges. You're going to face pressure and conflict and difficult decisions, but you're going to still have people that misunderstand you. You are still going to experience disappointment. But your healing changes the source and how. You lead from. Instead of leading from fear, you begin to lead from wisdom. Instead of leading from control, you lead from trust. Instead of leading from anger, you begin to lead from clarity. Instead of leading from insecurity, you begin to lead from identity. You lead from performance, not. Not from purpose.
[00:40:25] And that's the shift and that's where the change.
[00:40:29] Everything the leader watching feels exposed by this conversation. I want to remind you, conviction is not condemnation.
[00:40:38] If someone or something in tonight's message touched you in a painful place, don't run from it. Pay attention to it.
[00:40:49] That may be the place where the healing is trying to begin. Maybe it's time to make the appointment. Make the time for the conversation. Make the time to apologize. Make the time to rest.
[00:41:02] Make the time for boundary setting. Maybe it's time to stop pretending that you're okay. And maybe it's time to let someone wise help you carry what you were never meant to carry alone.
[00:41:13] And maybe it's time to believe that your broken places are not the end of your leadership story.
[00:41:19] They are becoming the part of your wisdom. They are a part of your compassion. It is a part of your assignment. It is a part of how you lead others with a deeper grace. Because healed leaders do not forget the pain. They transform it. They do not deny the wound. They stop allowing the wound to lead. And that's where grace and greatness meet. Grace to give yourself permission just to be human. Grit to give you the strength to keep growing. And greatness gives you the healing and purpose beyond yourself.
[00:41:50] So before I close, I just want to make this available to you.
[00:41:55] I never talk about something that I haven't experienced myself personally. I have been in that place of being a broken leader. I know what it takes to do the work. I am not telling you that it is easy, right? But I am telling you it is so worth it. So if you're really trying to do the work, grab a copy of my book where you'll go from brokenness to breakthrough. It will help you identify these places in your life. There's a tangible workbook in the back to help you become the best version that you were created to be so that you can leave from a place of wholeness and healthiness. So as we get ready to close, I just want to remind you that not every broken leader looks broken.
[00:42:33] Some are high performing. Some are extremely successful and respected. Some applaud while silently bleeding from scenes. But you don't have to keep bleeding in silence. Brokenness does not make you weak, but unhealed. Brokenness will eventually show up in how you lead others.
[00:42:49] This is not an invitation to hide your pain. This is an invitation to heal it. Because healing leaders create healthier organizations again, healthier families and healthy communities.
[00:43:00] And the world needs more leaders who are not just powerful, but whole. Not who are just successful, but surrendered. Not just influential, but emotionally mature. Not just respected, but restored. That is what it means to lead with grace, grit and greatness. Thank you for joining us this evening on Leading with Grace, Grit and Greatness. My name is Vakita Poindexter. I'm your host. Stay connected with us on NOW Media Live on Demand. And join us again for for more conversations that help leaders grow from a place of healing and lead with purpose. And next time, keep watching. Lead with grace, grit and greatness.
